Any woman who has been pregnant knows how terribly uncomfortable those last weeks can be. My first 3 children were all early (born at 36 weeks, 35.5 weeks, and 38.5 weeks). The 38.5 week term killed me - I was due Oct. 5th and therefore my third trimester was throughout the HOT New Mexico summer. I hated everyone. I would lay in my bed with ice cubes placed all over my body because I was so miserable. I couldn't believe my baby hadn't come out by week 37 - all my others were early, why was she taking so long? Little did I know that the discomfort with number 3 would literally be doubled (maybe more) with my twin pregnancy.
A twin pregnancy is considered full-term if carried to 36 weeks. Being that the majority (2 out of 3) of my previous children were born early and considering that the average twin gestation is 34 weeks, I never thought I would make it to "full-term." Well, I did. At 34 weeks I was in the hospital for a false alarm (contracting, but the contractions stopped after I was admitted)...2 weeks later I was back again and this time it was the real deal.
I was terrified I might deliver the twins on my bathroom floor because my water broke at home. Many people experience their water breaking at home, but my previous experience with my water breaking meant the baby was coming down the home stretch immediately. So, at 3:00 am, after contracting consistently for 2 hours (and the breaking of the water) I decided it was time to wake my husband. Earlier that evening before we went to bed he asked that I wake him with enough time to shower. I had already gotten ready (because what else was I going to do at 1:00 am between contractions?!) and although I was so ready to get the babies out of my belly, I was extremely nervous about the delivery. My midwife had prepared for the fact that my twin birth had to occur in the operating room in case an emergency c-section was required, but I was determined to do it naturally. Everything that could go wrong was flashing through my mind at this point; meanwhile, my husband was taking his sweet time in the shower, picking his clothes, brushing his teeth, and then asking me multiple times "Are you sure you don't want to labor here? You know, you're going to be in the hospital waiting a long time!" Of course I frantically refused his suggestion because - as I said before - I really wasn't into the whole bathroom floor delivery. And I wanted to have all the medical attention available for the twins in case of an emergency. I was so bugged he even asked me such a question! Yet again, many things are annoying to a laboring woman!
So finally, after our early morning squabble, we headed to the hospital. I was so uncomfortable and kept begging my husband to avoid any and all bumps, regardless of how small they were. The car couldn't drive me there fast enough. He dropped me off in the ER and they wheeled me up to Labor & Delivery. I think it's quite hilarious how all the nurses that I came in contact with on the short elevator ride between the ER and the Delivery floor constantly asked me "Do you feel the need to push?!" My answer was "No, not right now," but what if I did?! What choice did they have but to help me? Anyways, I made it to Triage without incident, and of course, no one was there. All the desks were empty and few lights were on. I kind of panicked, but right before I could have a mini-tantrum, the nurse came and helped check me in. After, of course, asking for my social security number and medical history - WTH?! Has anyone else ever experienced the ridiculous amount of questions posed by the nurse and delivery staff? They really expect a laboring woman to answer these things when contractions are 5 minutes apart and one's water has broken??! LOOK UP MY CHART. And get me in a room NOW!
A delivery room would be too efficient. Before they could "admit" me they had to go through the hoops of fetal monitors, blood pressure, etc. Last but not least, the nurse, (did I mention this nurse was a 70 year old male?! Not my first choice when laboring twins, but that's just me...), had to check my dilation. I told him my contractions were consistent and growing closer together since 1:00 am. I told him my dilation at my last appointment was 4cm. I told him my water broke. And how do you think he responded when he finally checked my dilation? "Oh WOW, you are 7 CM!!! AND YOU'RE WATER BROKE!" Really? REALLY! I know. That's what I JUST said. I've had three kids and was about to pop out 2 more, simultaneously. I think I know when I need a room.
It gets better. The charge nurse started gearing me up to head into my room, but on the way, the doctor comes up (finally) and starts asking me my medical history yet again. How many live births? Miscarriages? DOBs of children? Last Menstrual Period? Allergies to medications? Apparently they lost my chart and despite their "efforts" could not locate it that night. And I had just been into the hospital 2 weeks before (that doc said I would deliver that night - obviously she was wrong). Sigh. They were asking me these questions as they were taking me to my delivery room, and as we arrived there they said the first thing they were going to do was insert my epidural. Epidural? What? Then there is the epidural story.
Rewind a few weeks. My husband and I had spoken to my midwife as well as the head anesthesiologist stating that we had no intention of getting an epidural. They want you to, of course, in case one requires an emergency c-section, but I was terrified of the epidural and my husband was uncomfortable with the idea as well. (I never had an epidural with any of my previous childbirths). The doctors and midwives highly discourage one from doing this, but we did have a long conference with both my midwife as well as the head anesthesiologist, and they agreed we could go forth without one. Of course there are risks associated with the other path (general anesthesia) but we accepted them and knew they were only in the event of an emergency and made an informed decision we were comfortable with. That was taken care of - so we thought.
Back to delivery day. What do you mean epidural? So, here we go explaining this entire epidural situation to the midwife and the on-call anesthesiologist and they are looking at us like we are complete fools and actually proceeded to speak to us in a condescending manner. "You know, you could very well die if you have to be put under," the anesthesiologist said to me. I was shocked; I could not believe this woman told me that while I was just hours away from delivery! My husband continued to argue with her (on my behalf as I was too busy trying to deal with my pain) and then the midwife chimed in and sort of ganged up on him and basically told us we were stupid for choosing that path. More arguing. Finally, they stepped out and my husband whispered to me, "You know, as much as you and I don't want this, I think you should go ahead with the epidural because I don't want the doctors to be stressed and out of their element if there indeed is an emergency." We did compromise, however; put the epidural line in my back without medicine. This way, in the event of an emergency, everything would be in place and the medicine could be administered and have me ready for surgery in 30 seconds. At that point I just wanted the babies out as quickly as possible. So, they ran the epidural line, they inserted my IV, they administered a dose of a pain killer, and one by one they drifted out of my room. I asked my nurse, "So, when are you going to wheel me into the operating room?" "Whenever you feel ready," she replied. "I have to go to the restroom real quick before you deliver...I'll be right back." Crickets. Every nurse and doctor had left the room. I called my husband over frantically - "Where did they go? What are they doing? When are they coming back? What am I going to do if I have to push? Call them back right now! I am ready to go to the operating room to deliver!" He did as I instructed yet reassured me that if I had to push, and no one was in there, he would catch the baby. But that's not the point - the point is no one was READY!
It took about 25 minutes for my nurse to come back in even though we called for her right away. I told her I was ready for the operating room. I was beyond nervous and uncomfortable. She rolled me down the hall in my bed and had reassured me that I would not have to move to any other beds or tables in the operating room - I could deliver from where I was. As my nurse wheeled me in, the charge nurse met us at the door. Nothing was ready in the OR - the light weren't even on! He started to get things ready but told my nurse to check my dilation before he continued. So, she checks me, and low and behold I was 10 CM! And nothing was ready! No midwives, no doctors, no anesthesiologist, no computer monitors, no tools table...nada. Of course, now they were freaking out, frantically getting things ready, paging people - the works. The dressed the table, scrubbed down, and were ready to catch these babies...but before they could do that they said I had to MOVE to the operating table. I about died, and refused. They had told me I could stay in my bed, and if they wanted me up on that table I told them they would have to move me! So, they did - they lifted the baby whale from her bed to the table as quickly as they could and were finally ready to deliver. But now I was even more uncomfortable. The table was just that - a hard, metal, cold table. I complained and they provided me with some pillows, so that helped. A little.
The time now was close to 6 am; we had arrived at 3:30 am. There was a team of people surrounding me, guiding me, holding me and encouraging me. I distinctly remember one nurse because she not only looked exactly like my grandma, but comforted me just like my grandma might if she had been in the delivery room with me. She held my hand, rubbed my back, cooled my head, and softly cheered me on. She was an angel disguised as a nurse and I attribute my amazingly healthy, natural labor & delivery to her. Baby A, who we named Bella, was born at 5:47am and weighed 6lbs. Baby B, who we named Sophia, was born 14 minutes later at 6:02 and weighed 5lbs 13oz. No c-section, no epidural, no hemorrhaging - and the twins were perfectly healthy! I was the talk of the hospital (I must say I am quite proud) as it is extremely rare to deliver twins naturally (no c-section) and without an epidural. Operation Twin Childbirth was a success!
And then there were 5. Officially. We now had (have) 5 children, and a 7 person household. Crazy could not begin to sum up the daily life with 5 kids. They say the first year with twins is the hardest; but the first year with twins and 3 older children was hard and in many cases, unbelievable.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
My Story, Part 2
Double the Everything
I will start by saying the shock of the twin pregnancy never went away, and to this day we still find ourselves saying "can you believe there are two babies?!" Oh, and I must not forget to mention that no matter what went on - whether it was emotional, physical, preparational, or mental - it was double! The most common thing people said (and still say) to me in reacting to our twins is, "double the trouble!" It really should be "double the everything!" And that's just a fraction of it.
So, in the midst of the shock (double the shock, of course), the next best thing one can do in such a situation is prepare. However, I could only think about the gargaturan task of preparation for the first trimester. I spent most days laid out and hardly able to move - I had horrific headaches, extreme fatigue, and the most excruciating, unimaginable, unbearable hip pain. These symptoms had begun earlier and with greater severity than all of my other pregnancies - and no wonder - I had double the hormones and double the babies to cook! I would literally lay in bed ALL day long, rarely getting up to even eat as the nausea would override my appetite. My older children (then 4, 2 and 1) ran around like newly freed cage animals, screaming in delight, fighting every other second, and taking advantage of mommy in her bedridden state (actually, this sounds like the state of my house daily, minus the bedridden part). But at that point in time I could care less. My husband did a lot to help, thankfully, because it took everything I had to just exist. So right when the misery started to taper off, I began my routine check ups. Of course, this was after my ER visit which also required a follow up with my midwife as I had then been diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrage and was terrified of what complications might arise.
After 3 pregnancies and childbirths one would think that I would be a pro. The complication and twin pregnancy was so new to me that the only thing I was a pro at during that time was asking questions. I came to her office with a list (below) which she answered quite concisely, and in the most comforting manner:
- What are the risks associated with a subchorionic hemorrage?
- The main risk is a threatened miscarriage of either one or both fetuses.
- What is a subchorionic hemorrage?
- A subchorionic hemmorage is when the placenta detaches from the wall of the uterus and causes bleeding during pregnancy. In many cases, it heals itself over a long period of time. (Mine was a moderate hemorrage).
- Can I do normal day-to-day activies?
- Daily activies must be modified. No lifting heavy items (laundry baskets, children, grocery bags), no excercising. Bed rest is not necessary at this point.
- How much do I have to eat?
- Expected weight gain is 50lbs. Caloric intake should increase by 600 calories per day. The nutritionist at the pernitatologist's office will track weight gain and diet and adjust as necessary.
- How many vitamins do I take?
- Two babies = two prenatals. Plus calcium, vitamind D, selenium, and omega-3.
- How can I possibly breastfeed twins?
- It's easy...that's why God gave you two breasts!
- How often will I have ultrasounds?
- In this office, the standard 20 week ultrasound, but the perinatialogist will do approximately 1 per month to monitor the twins' growth and development.
- Will I have to be on bedrest at a certain point?
- Only time will tell!
The nutrition aspect was extremely important and highly stressed in my prenatal care plan. After the "sticker shock" of having to gain 50lbs, I was also burdened with the increased risk of gestational diabetes. Our families have a history of diabestes in each generation, and that adds to the already increased risk a twin pregnacy alone presents. That being said, the nutritionist suggested I eat low carb...and let me tell you, I have never followed a diet so carefully as I did that one. I actually kept a food journal and would count and record every meal, snack, and dip in the candy dish. It was recommended that I eat between 200g and 300g carbs per day, but my daily records proved I would hardly reach the 200g mark. Before I started counting my carbs, I craved loaded baked potatoes and would eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and often times more than one! That must be why I was able to be so strict - I had maxed myself out before the cut! To my surprise, however, that low amount of carbs was keeping me from gaining the proper amount of weight. At my appointments, the nutritionist would actually graph my weight (every time) and show me where my growth/gain was in relation to the suggested curve. For many weeks, I was below the curve and not gaining enough. Finally I was told "add nuts (nuts are caloric) to everything you can...and milkshakes, drink a milkshake everyday!!!" Those were the best doctor's orders I have ever received and I had no problem following them!
The rest of my pregnancy was a healthy one, but I was SO miserable with each growing day! Remember the hip problem I mentioned earlier? Well it only grew worse. I felt like my pelvic bones were slowly cracking. There were many days where my husband had to literally drag me around on his back because it was too painful to walk. My husband works at night, so when he was gone I remember laying there crying because I literally couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. I would fall asleep with the lights on, hold my pee in for hours and just feel sorry for myself. I couldn't even get up to answer the phone. If an axe murderer attacked me in the middle of the night I would have been an easy kill in my incapacitated state! The only thing that slightly helped was a maternity suppport belt, but my doctor didn't prescribe it to me until I was 33 weeks despite my begging at every check up! And then of course, there was the whole sleeping issue. I had about 25 pillows which varied in shapes, sizes and firmness that I would position just perfect for me to fall asleep. But of course, I could never stay asleep because my arm would go numb, my belly would hurt my back, my leg would cramp...it was miserable! That was in addition to the insomnia. Biologically, you would think pregnant women would sleep so sound and comfortably for 9 months in order to build up energy for the future countless sleepless nights spent caring for newborns - TWO newborns in my case (many cases) - but no, biology didn't work that way...for me, at least!
And so, with a elephantine twin-housing belly comes an exponential amount of elephantinely rude comments regarding bellysize, family size, living accomodations, and so on and so forth. And I shall end there, because not only does this topic infuriate me, it requires an elephantine amount blog space...
Monday, July 30, 2012
My Story, Part 1
Welcome to my blog! Thank you for taking the time to read my website and follow my journies of mommyhood. I have been contemplating the idea of creating my own blog for quite some time, and now the site has been born!
Many of you may wonder about my history (briefly mentioned in my "About Me" section). So, I'll start from the beginning (well, the love story beginning).
My husband and I met at work. I was a student administrative assistant and he was a Fitness Consultant. I had a love for salsa dancing and would go every weekend, and he had an interest in learning. We started to practice after work and meet up on the weekends. I never "liked" him in the romantic way, and I didn't feel he liked me either, but we began to spend more and more together with every passing week. Many rumors were flying around the workplace regarding our relationship.
One summer evening, we were discussing the workplace gossip. My husband (then friend) said to me, "since everyone is talking about us being boyfriend and girlfriend, we might as well make it official, right?!" And everything else is history. We were engaged 8 months late and married 4 months after that.
After only 2 months of marriage we had our first positive pregnancy test. I was due July 5th. We were so excited that we rushed down to our parents' houses to share the joy. The thing I remember most from that night was telling my father-in-law, who was (and still is) notorious for spreading around "news" too quickly, to keep this a secret and not tell ANYONE yet...we wanted to make the phone calls. Of course, it was too late, and before we could finish our request, he had composed an email and copied everyone on his contact list and sent it off. Too much excitement for one to keep to themselves!
We had long contemplated baby names and were convinced we were having a girl despite the fact that we hadn't had an ultrasound yet. Since we were so certain, we named "her" Xyliana. Much to our surprise, our ultrasound appointment proved otherwise...we were having a boy! He was so perfect - round head, chubby belly, cute little button nose - all of which we could see perfectly on the printed copy of our ultrasound - and 5 minutes after our appointment ended we decided to name him "Nico."
Nico was born on 3 weeks early on June 13, 2006. Throughout his first year of life, I went to school and worked. I finished the term I was in and then decided to pursue a full-time job. I was hired on and then became a full-time working mother. My mother was generous enough to watch him while I worked, and although we felt it was the best decision for our family at the time, it was hard to carry out as we felt judged by many. And guilty. Some days I would drive to work in tears because I felt so looked down upon and it seemed to me that no one understood why I chose to work instead of stay home. I always felt that one should not have to justify their reasonings for choices they make regarding their child rearing. I will say that we did what we had to do at that moment...and as many know, life changes from moment to moment - nothing lasts forever.
We celebrated my son's first birthday in true "first child" fashion - a big bash at the park with many family and friends. It was only a month after that I discovered I was pregnant with my second baby. It's funny how your body changes so drastically - I had gained 6 lbs so quickly despite my frequent workouts and attempts at healthy eating. I thought I might have had one too many Easy Mac-N-Cheese packets! I worked throughout the pregancy and decided that after I had the baby I would only return part-time. Xyliana was born prematurely in Februrary of 2008. She was healthy and the labor was "easy" and we were now a family of 4. I returned to work part-time and I had amazing benefits that allowed me to spread out my paid maternity leave and FMLA time over the course of a few months. At that time, we had also looked into the possibility of opening our own business. We took a leap of faith, I quit my job after my leave ran out (baby was 3 months old) and we now had two children 2 and under, and a new business under our belts. Sigh, I am exhausted just remebering that moment in time...and that's just the beginning!
We opened a retail boutique in August of 2008 (my oldest was 2, and the baby was 6 months). I worked there full time and would take the children to work with me. My husband started a new career from scratch in December of 2008, and 2 days into his career training, the unthinkable happened in our family - my mother had a stroke. To sum it up, in a 6 month time span we both had taken on new lower paying jobs, opened a new business, had 2 children under 2, and were dealing with an ill parent. I almost forgot to mention (well, I wouldn't ever forget - perhaps just out of order) we got pregnant again with our 3rd child right before Thanksgiving. At 6 weeks gestation, we lost the child and were devastated. That holiday season was cold and glum. My mother's stroke caused her to loose her ability to swallow, and she had to have a feeding tube inserted in her stomach so that she could "eat." She has since fully regained her ability to swallow, but still struggles with lack of energy, breathing difficulties, and pain. We enjoy her and the lives around us as much as we can...we have learned (more than once, as you will discover ) how precious life is and that we must never forget our days our numbered. You never know what will happen tomorrow.
That year past so quickly, and before we knew it, our little store had been open for 11 months. We had relocated and things were just starting to take off. However, it would only be 1 more month before the arrival of number 3. I was still working at the store full-time and we were training others to help while I was on maternity leave. 10 days before I delivered, we made the final decision (after much deliberation) to close the store. The oldest had just turned 3, the baby was 19 months, and I was due anyday (September 2009). Being a stay-at-home mom of 3 was going to be overwhelming enough without the additional stress of running the business, so we reluctantly sacrified our beautiful store and did what was best for the family.
And that's when I became an honest-to-goodness stay at home mom. To tell you the truth, I don't remember how hard it was when number 3 (Ava) was born. I remember my sister coming to help in the middle of the night while my husband was working. I remember having two in diapers and struggling to potty train the middle child so I could be relieved of some wiping duties. And I remembering venturing out to the pumpking patch, state fair, balloon fiesta, and mountains that fall and enjoying the beauty of New Mexico. Another year had come and gone, and Ava celebrated her 1st birthday. 3 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant again!
I cried hysterically when I saw the pregancy test give a positive reading nearly instantly. No wonder I was feeling so horrible. And how in the world was I going to manage 4 children, all 20 months apart?! My husband was beamingly happy as he always is when I am pregnant. He loves babies and has always talked of having 5. But 4 was overwhelming enough - I couldn't fathom the possiblity of having 5. And then there is that whole "life throws you curves" saying...and man that ball came flying at us from out of no where!
We didn't tell anyone we were pregnant for 10 weeks. We were trying to wait to surprise people until Christmas (it was October) and we figured that was enough time for us (or should I say me) to get over the shock. I hadn't yet confirmed my first appointment when I started having signs of miscarriage yet again. We stayed home all day just waiting and praying the symptoms would subside - but they were only getting worse. That evening I was getting ready to go to the hospital when my mom coincidentally stopped by. I answered the door with my face full of tears. I was scared. Imagine the shock my mother must have felt when I told her I thought I was miscarrying yet she didn't even know I was pregnant! She drove me to the hospital and my husband stayed with the kids. It was a long evening of testing and waiting.
After all of the usual procedures (urine tests, blood draws, etc.) were complete, the last order of business was an ultrasound. I was exhaused both physically and emotionally, and waiting was all we could do at that point. My mother and sister were hungry and they left the hospital to go get dinner (and bring me a bite to eat as well) and asked if I'd be okay. I said yes, and I knew I would be okay because I knew the ultrasound would show one of two things: a healthy heartbeat or no heartbeat. While they were gone, the technician came to take me down the hall the radiology department. She wheeled me into a dark room and lay me on a table where a single, dim yet blinding light shone down right in eyes. She started her exam, and I lay there staring at the light with a knot in my stomach. I could hear the machine click everytime she took a picture of the baby, and she clicked what seemed like one hundred times. I asked her what she saw, and she replied, "I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything - the doctor has to interpret the results and read them to you." I was so devastated - this was to be the moment of relief or utter disappointment, and it was going to be delayed?! I sighed deeply, and told her, "You know, I've been so upset all day about this...could you please at least tell me if there is a heartbeat?" Silence. Hesitation. Poker face. After what seemed like 20 minutes (in reality, probably 2 minutes), she turned to me and said, "Ok, I am going to show you the screen right now, but don't tell the doctor I did this, okay?!" "Okay," I nervously replied, "I won't." You must now image the rest of this scene in slow motion, because that is prety much the way I remember it! I was alone in the room with the technician. As I sat up on the table, the technician turned the screen to my field of view. She didn't even have to describe the image to me beforehand to interpret what was going on - it was clear as day. "That's Baby A...and that is Baby B...congratulations, your going to have twins, and they look perfectly healthy!" I was flabbergasted and could not believe it at all. My eyes filled with tears and I started saying "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Can I go call my husband?!" I stepped out of the room and dialed trying to quickly think how the heck I was going to tell him! We have no history of twins in our families so this was a completely unexpected surprise.
He answered quietly, "Hello?"
"Hi, it's me," my voice was quivering. "They ran all of the tests, and the last thing was the ultrasound - I just got done. She wasn't supposed to tell me anything, but she did, and I wanted to let you know the baby is fine."
Sigh of relief. "Oh, that's great!"
"And so is the other baby!"
"WHAT????!!!! There is more than one baby??!! NO! You're kidding? Twins?!!"
"Yes, twins!"
I was released from the hospital shortly after that and arrived home to a mini celebration. Although I wanted to wait to tell the rest of our family in person, my husband was much to excited and called everyone immediately (must be genetic ;O)). His mother cried, I cried, I think we all cried (mostly tears of joy...mine not so much!). The shock would not wear off for weeks - no, months - but there was no going back! The twins were coming, the pregnancy was on full force, and the next few months would be unpredictable!
Many of you may wonder about my history (briefly mentioned in my "About Me" section). So, I'll start from the beginning (well, the love story beginning).
First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage
My husband and I met at work. I was a student administrative assistant and he was a Fitness Consultant. I had a love for salsa dancing and would go every weekend, and he had an interest in learning. We started to practice after work and meet up on the weekends. I never "liked" him in the romantic way, and I didn't feel he liked me either, but we began to spend more and more together with every passing week. Many rumors were flying around the workplace regarding our relationship.
One summer evening, we were discussing the workplace gossip. My husband (then friend) said to me, "since everyone is talking about us being boyfriend and girlfriend, we might as well make it official, right?!" And everything else is history. We were engaged 8 months late and married 4 months after that.
Then Comes the Baby in a Baby Carriage
After only 2 months of marriage we had our first positive pregnancy test. I was due July 5th. We were so excited that we rushed down to our parents' houses to share the joy. The thing I remember most from that night was telling my father-in-law, who was (and still is) notorious for spreading around "news" too quickly, to keep this a secret and not tell ANYONE yet...we wanted to make the phone calls. Of course, it was too late, and before we could finish our request, he had composed an email and copied everyone on his contact list and sent it off. Too much excitement for one to keep to themselves!
We had long contemplated baby names and were convinced we were having a girl despite the fact that we hadn't had an ultrasound yet. Since we were so certain, we named "her" Xyliana. Much to our surprise, our ultrasound appointment proved otherwise...we were having a boy! He was so perfect - round head, chubby belly, cute little button nose - all of which we could see perfectly on the printed copy of our ultrasound - and 5 minutes after our appointment ended we decided to name him "Nico."
Baby's First Year
Nico was born on 3 weeks early on June 13, 2006. Throughout his first year of life, I went to school and worked. I finished the term I was in and then decided to pursue a full-time job. I was hired on and then became a full-time working mother. My mother was generous enough to watch him while I worked, and although we felt it was the best decision for our family at the time, it was hard to carry out as we felt judged by many. And guilty. Some days I would drive to work in tears because I felt so looked down upon and it seemed to me that no one understood why I chose to work instead of stay home. I always felt that one should not have to justify their reasonings for choices they make regarding their child rearing. I will say that we did what we had to do at that moment...and as many know, life changes from moment to moment - nothing lasts forever.
We celebrated my son's first birthday in true "first child" fashion - a big bash at the park with many family and friends. It was only a month after that I discovered I was pregnant with my second baby. It's funny how your body changes so drastically - I had gained 6 lbs so quickly despite my frequent workouts and attempts at healthy eating. I thought I might have had one too many Easy Mac-N-Cheese packets! I worked throughout the pregancy and decided that after I had the baby I would only return part-time. Xyliana was born prematurely in Februrary of 2008. She was healthy and the labor was "easy" and we were now a family of 4. I returned to work part-time and I had amazing benefits that allowed me to spread out my paid maternity leave and FMLA time over the course of a few months. At that time, we had also looked into the possibility of opening our own business. We took a leap of faith, I quit my job after my leave ran out (baby was 3 months old) and we now had two children 2 and under, and a new business under our belts. Sigh, I am exhausted just remebering that moment in time...and that's just the beginning!
A Stressful Year
We opened a retail boutique in August of 2008 (my oldest was 2, and the baby was 6 months). I worked there full time and would take the children to work with me. My husband started a new career from scratch in December of 2008, and 2 days into his career training, the unthinkable happened in our family - my mother had a stroke. To sum it up, in a 6 month time span we both had taken on new lower paying jobs, opened a new business, had 2 children under 2, and were dealing with an ill parent. I almost forgot to mention (well, I wouldn't ever forget - perhaps just out of order) we got pregnant again with our 3rd child right before Thanksgiving. At 6 weeks gestation, we lost the child and were devastated. That holiday season was cold and glum. My mother's stroke caused her to loose her ability to swallow, and she had to have a feeding tube inserted in her stomach so that she could "eat." She has since fully regained her ability to swallow, but still struggles with lack of energy, breathing difficulties, and pain. We enjoy her and the lives around us as much as we can...we have learned (more than once, as you will discover ) how precious life is and that we must never forget our days our numbered. You never know what will happen tomorrow.
Number 3
That year past so quickly, and before we knew it, our little store had been open for 11 months. We had relocated and things were just starting to take off. However, it would only be 1 more month before the arrival of number 3. I was still working at the store full-time and we were training others to help while I was on maternity leave. 10 days before I delivered, we made the final decision (after much deliberation) to close the store. The oldest had just turned 3, the baby was 19 months, and I was due anyday (September 2009). Being a stay-at-home mom of 3 was going to be overwhelming enough without the additional stress of running the business, so we reluctantly sacrified our beautiful store and did what was best for the family.
Officially a Stay-At-Home Mom
And that's when I became an honest-to-goodness stay at home mom. To tell you the truth, I don't remember how hard it was when number 3 (Ava) was born. I remember my sister coming to help in the middle of the night while my husband was working. I remember having two in diapers and struggling to potty train the middle child so I could be relieved of some wiping duties. And I remembering venturing out to the pumpking patch, state fair, balloon fiesta, and mountains that fall and enjoying the beauty of New Mexico. Another year had come and gone, and Ava celebrated her 1st birthday. 3 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant again!
Positive Again
I cried hysterically when I saw the pregancy test give a positive reading nearly instantly. No wonder I was feeling so horrible. And how in the world was I going to manage 4 children, all 20 months apart?! My husband was beamingly happy as he always is when I am pregnant. He loves babies and has always talked of having 5. But 4 was overwhelming enough - I couldn't fathom the possiblity of having 5. And then there is that whole "life throws you curves" saying...and man that ball came flying at us from out of no where!
We didn't tell anyone we were pregnant for 10 weeks. We were trying to wait to surprise people until Christmas (it was October) and we figured that was enough time for us (or should I say me) to get over the shock. I hadn't yet confirmed my first appointment when I started having signs of miscarriage yet again. We stayed home all day just waiting and praying the symptoms would subside - but they were only getting worse. That evening I was getting ready to go to the hospital when my mom coincidentally stopped by. I answered the door with my face full of tears. I was scared. Imagine the shock my mother must have felt when I told her I thought I was miscarrying yet she didn't even know I was pregnant! She drove me to the hospital and my husband stayed with the kids. It was a long evening of testing and waiting.
After all of the usual procedures (urine tests, blood draws, etc.) were complete, the last order of business was an ultrasound. I was exhaused both physically and emotionally, and waiting was all we could do at that point. My mother and sister were hungry and they left the hospital to go get dinner (and bring me a bite to eat as well) and asked if I'd be okay. I said yes, and I knew I would be okay because I knew the ultrasound would show one of two things: a healthy heartbeat or no heartbeat. While they were gone, the technician came to take me down the hall the radiology department. She wheeled me into a dark room and lay me on a table where a single, dim yet blinding light shone down right in eyes. She started her exam, and I lay there staring at the light with a knot in my stomach. I could hear the machine click everytime she took a picture of the baby, and she clicked what seemed like one hundred times. I asked her what she saw, and she replied, "I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything - the doctor has to interpret the results and read them to you." I was so devastated - this was to be the moment of relief or utter disappointment, and it was going to be delayed?! I sighed deeply, and told her, "You know, I've been so upset all day about this...could you please at least tell me if there is a heartbeat?" Silence. Hesitation. Poker face. After what seemed like 20 minutes (in reality, probably 2 minutes), she turned to me and said, "Ok, I am going to show you the screen right now, but don't tell the doctor I did this, okay?!" "Okay," I nervously replied, "I won't." You must now image the rest of this scene in slow motion, because that is prety much the way I remember it! I was alone in the room with the technician. As I sat up on the table, the technician turned the screen to my field of view. She didn't even have to describe the image to me beforehand to interpret what was going on - it was clear as day. "That's Baby A...and that is Baby B...congratulations, your going to have twins, and they look perfectly healthy!" I was flabbergasted and could not believe it at all. My eyes filled with tears and I started saying "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Can I go call my husband?!" I stepped out of the room and dialed trying to quickly think how the heck I was going to tell him! We have no history of twins in our families so this was a completely unexpected surprise.
He answered quietly, "Hello?"
"Hi, it's me," my voice was quivering. "They ran all of the tests, and the last thing was the ultrasound - I just got done. She wasn't supposed to tell me anything, but she did, and I wanted to let you know the baby is fine."
Sigh of relief. "Oh, that's great!"
"And so is the other baby!"
"WHAT????!!!! There is more than one baby??!! NO! You're kidding? Twins?!!"
"Yes, twins!"
I was released from the hospital shortly after that and arrived home to a mini celebration. Although I wanted to wait to tell the rest of our family in person, my husband was much to excited and called everyone immediately (must be genetic ;O)). His mother cried, I cried, I think we all cried (mostly tears of joy...mine not so much!). The shock would not wear off for weeks - no, months - but there was no going back! The twins were coming, the pregnancy was on full force, and the next few months would be unpredictable!
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